I don't know what is happening around ...

The sense of lowness is creeping in day by day ... am trying my level best to get the things right but the situation is letting me down ...

There is no place of solace where disturb mind can be settled down ... am fighting a battle inside to keep things upright and running, but the fear of being left out or being alone is stirring the ship in terrain of uncertainties.

The things which i feared most is happening slowly and steadily and believe is shaken by root. The self believe of being things right seems to be wrong ...

I am tired diluted and worn out ... Life is taking a toll on me ... Life is not what i thought it should be ... Life is not how i planned ... Life is not what it is giving to me ...

Am not complaining, am accepting the things and i am one of the reason for life to treat me like this but then also the surrounding makes differences ...

I don't know what will happen ... I am terrified and there is no body with whom i can share all this ...

I changed, people changed, which resulted in change in situation.

Lets hope for best ...

Reality Check

Life is a bunch of causes.
n i am the patron saint of lost causes.

Reality sucks.
n every time i realize, i get inch closer to the truth.

Ambition sails.
n i get complicated with each completion.

Hope
Is this the last thing to rely on.

Scared
Ofcourse not, cause i have nothing to lose.

Guns n Roses
sAu

i need an answer

Just a 10 min back, i was talking to one of my good friend who was yelling on the fucking system, trying to flock the whole herd by explaining the damm importance of being their existence. He was so adamant in his approach, to let it go. But my dear friend, grass is always greener to the other side.

Is it important to go with the tried n tasted formula, why we remember Shahjahan for making Taj Mahal, but not the architect who design this marvel, not the skilled labourer who executed its existence. My friend was frustrated on his managers/system, in fact we all are, if we put our heart n soul in something, why the hell did managers take away all the credit with first place, n then we given a mention in a column that are hardly seen by world.

We always complain/rant about all the other non important things, and always try to be handy on these count. But, it wont be good, if we go around excelling first what we are assigned to, rather than making accusation.

Why we look around(people, past, scenario) to have a judgment on any one, why not we listen or bank upon on our decision making abilities. We Man, evolve in our own way, results ought to be different on different count.

Is the system, that we r used to live with, is cripple enough to get it changed or replaced or the way of our viewing things should be par with the system.

Is the social networking site should be taken seriously, when it comes to judge the emotion of the other person's comment, link, post, etc.
I have a solution, why not they should provide us with a emotional count tab. If you post a comment, have it emotional count, say 9 out of 10, 5 out of 10. Then also, will it justify ???

Why the things loses his shine, when it is most required. n why we r left to the chorus of fate, when we can sing it solo with our own determination. why the campus of life had only two direction to show, either success or failure.

Yeah, i know, i have contradicted myself a lot to put on a point of being a nonsense, to be a general to get knocked down by his own battalion. But, isn't this irony of life, where expected are least excepted.

cheeeeeeeeeeerrrsssss
(_)>
scotch to end it all ...:)

Refrence for 2011 chinese tag

The lucky Chinese Tag, currently doing round with different blog, so i also thought why not take it, and rant something about demented side of sAu.
As it is at the start of 2010, it can be some sort of reference, to look back in 2011.
So, Here it is

8 TV shows I like to watch:
1. How I met your mother
2. Prison Break
3. Roadies
4. Big Boss
5. Lost
6. Cricket Shows
7. Dare to Date
8. Big Bang Theory

8 favorite places to eat (and drink)
1. CCD
2. Dean Inside
3. Blue Nile (awesome briyani)
4. Saurabh's (best restaurant near office)
5. Rajput Dhaba ( for its chole bhature )
6. Office canteen ( for gossip n break from work)
7. ghar mummy ke haath ka (ofcourse yes, coz i live bachelor alone)
8. soham fast food rest

8 things I look forward to
1. To fall in love again :)
2. To get the shahid's like kaminey body (rem shahid running along stallion in kaminey)
3. Better rise in pay packets (min 20%, i want)
4. Looking for company switch
5. D getting married
6. To be at peace with myself
7. Reading more books and writing as well as commenting more on blog
8. Donating blood


8 things that happened yesterday
1. Had tough time with waking early for office, n that's after 3 day new year break.
2. Shiv bought headphone, n after wasting long 1 hr or so in deciding, and i was dumbstruck/annoyed
3. Had Onion Uttappa in lunch :)
4. no one wished me happy new year in office except one
5. removed status msg of gtalk saying "Happy B'day /\ /\/\ /\/\ /\ 26 Dec"
6. Completed Lost Season 4, waiting for season 5 to download
7. Bhai asked me to do something, i declined as i was busy watching lost
8. slept way early b4 11 pm

8 things I love about winter
1. Gajar ka halwa ...
2. Gajar ka halwa ...
3. Gajar ka halwa ...
4. Gajar ka halwa ...
5. Gajar ka halwa ...
6. Gajar ka halwa ...
7. Gajar ka halwa ...
8. Gajar ka halwa ...

8 things on my wishlist
1. To meet someone whom i can love , who loves me , and with whom I can live...and who don’t talk about marriage :D
2. A LED tv
3. Sony PS3 with uncharted2 and PES 2010
4. A pamperer, who just loves to pamper me all around :)
5. wild safari in jungle
6. An ipod as 11th July gift
7. Job change / promotion / better pay check
8. D getting married

8 things I am passionate about
1. Clean clothes.
2. my Devil (bike)
3. flawless romance
4. Love
5. sex on the beach
6. food (i love cooking n eating, both)
7. reading blogs
8. owning a house, a studio house :)))))))))

8 words or phrases I use often
1. kya fark padta hai (KFPH)
2. ho jayega
3. kya yaar
4. hhhmmmmmmm (mostly in chat)
5. hata sawan ki ghata
6. tu bhi na
7. fuck
8. gandu/chutiya

8 things I learnt from the past
1. No matter what prob u having, time will keep u ticking
2. Love less, love honest
3. You can't bind anyone to an extent, ki it start slipping, n then lost forever
4. Unless, until you try, you cant better your limit
5. If you love someone, don let them go far from you, n try to enjoy every second of being together. You never know what is there in the bag of tomorrow.
6. no matter what, you cant see yourself getting knocked out
7. If you want to be appreciated, make a mark of yourself.
8. Get rid of borrowing, n never use Credit Card, it will land you in ditch, full of self guilt n will make ur salary a guest of few days.

8 places I would love to go, visit or see
1. Kashmir
2. Switzerland (i want my honeymoon here :))
3. wild safari to jungle
4. essel world
5. phuket (for beaches n babes)
6. Delhi (for revisiting old memories)
7. Australia (given a chance, i can think of settling here)
8. Hawaii

8 things I currently need or want
1. I need few friends, a few close friends
2. I want a gf, someone sort of amma type
3. I need to learn gaming programming skill, so that i can enhance my brand value.
4. I need a job change. and better paycheck.
5. I want office hour to be flexible enough to suit my mood.
6. I need to socialize more often
7. I need to get rid of all my shackles that i have presumed
8. I need to visit trichologist, serious damage done to my hair :(((((

And I need to tag 8 people…
Whoever read, tag yourself :)

Looking Ahead with an eye On the Past

As the world goes on, there always seems to an end at some point, and we continue chasing that end, and when we reach that end point, we realized .. wholla .. still miles to go before we hang our boot off.

I guess, year passing is always had the same trick, where you look at the end of year to have point covered (that you promised at the start of year), and when you are finally in the month of Dec, you get the idea.. Half work done...

And am not lucky enough to escape from this virile trick of chasing down. The year 2008 has no doubt, it had its up n down.
The year 2009 had started with a promise of

> Getting loved, getting acknowledged by the surroundings
> To get rid of my "kya fark padta hai"(KFPH) attitute
> With an urge to forget /\ /\/\ /\/\ /\
> To get intense with life
> To open out more, to rant more
> To stay calm, attain peace of mind
> To have more substance of work
> To spend less, save more
> To get rid of all my borrowing
> To be more reactive
> Think positive and believe in yourself
> Make more friends
> Making 2009 a worth to look back
> m sure, there are more to add.. so i think i should stop here, else list goes on ..

And look, at the end of 2009, where i stand. If i take some point off from the list, and add quite a few, it stays the same for year 2010.

Well, apart from the list, 2009 had something to cheer. I gifted myself bike(Devil) on my birthday and had notebook(laptop) as Diwali gift.Our Master All Classics/100 All Time Favorite hit the deck in the start of Dec, mind you MAC/ATF is the first game where i worked as programmer from the conception phase to getting it candidate master. Well, i think i should have to be more polite and high on socializing rather than getting myself trapped in no man's land.

At the personal front, i think i need to find some one who can cheer me up when am down, to make me realize how much she loves me, to make me laugh with her naughtiest action, mischievous word, who hate me when i c some raunchy(porn) stuff or ogle at other girls, whom i am at ease to extent where i don care, ki my word/action will b judged, whom i can hug to the core where we feel one, who wishes me all the good thing, who searches my arm to relax her in spite of pillow, who think am having the biggest chest to swallow her while hugging to make her feel protected, who seeks me every time when she's happy or sad, whom i can offer my costliest shirt just to get her just nosey off or wipe her tears down, whom i can scream n say out loud... "You are the bestest thing ever happened to me .." :)))))))))

So, signing 2009 off with a bang and looking forward to 2010, as i hope, coming year will bring prosperity not to me, but to every one. No resolution, nothing as these are all just a false promises, and i sucks @ making one of them.

Happy New Year 2010

PS : A person with a genuine heart and yet a stoned one when it comes to love.
PPS : Love is when someone breaks your heart and the most amazing thing is that u still love them with every broken piece of your heart

Committed to me,myself,sAu

I wish ...

Every person in this world will be having a Wish or a list of wish to die for.
It always true that sometime u need to wish, to make it happen. And one wish leads to another, cause this world is materialistic, the more you get , the more you wish... as one of the shahrukh khan ad says,
" Thoda aur wish karo "

As the title of the post say, I wish .., so there is nothing wrong if i wish for myself, some of which i think i can get, some of which i think i won't.

I wish .. i had all the ability to be a good blogger
I wish .. i had numerous visit/comment on my blog
I wish .. i had sachin tendulkar, AB following my blog
I wish .. i had unique/killing way of representing things on my blog

I wish .. i were a cricketer, guitarist, pianist, writer, lecturer, pilot
I wish .. i were working in a blue collar job, where u need to wear suit :)
I wish .. i were the mastermind behind one of the blue chip company emerging fast
I wish .. i were the creative director of an AD company

I wish .. i could go to dad/mom, n say .. i love you and hugged them tight
I wish .. i had my dadi maa, with me all the time
I wish .. i had the charm of my dada ji or my bade paa..
I wish .. i would be able to live up to the expectation of my family

I wish .. I had studio apartment on the top floor, facing best of scenic beauty
I wish .. I had Lexus SUV to drive
I wish .. I had full wardrobe of various top brands of world
I wish .. I had earned the tag of head - turner/stunner

I wish .. I had friends who showed up when i need them
I wish .. I had friends who instead of going cold, could come n state the fuck of all
I wish .. I were a gossip master/task maker to entertain my frndLots
I wish .. I had never ending school/college days

I wish .. I had never been turned down by any girl (esp last one)
I wish .. I were lucky in my love life
I wish .. I had one solid affair to learn my mistake
I wish .. I had found love, not twice but thousands times
I wish .. I didn't had developed cynic approach towards love

I wish .. I can put a full stop on my never ending desire

As i wrote my wish, i know i can make them true, not all but atleast quite a sum of.
What i feel, wish is one of the stepping stone for things to happen.
The more you wish, the more urge you will have to make it happen.

Give me some Sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
wana grow up once again

Committed to me, myself, sAu

Aewaiiiii

Jst watched love aaj kal .. i know am bit late thn also, i made a point by watching original DVD rather than going for pirated version. It was awesome, the two love story shown, was well tailored. Imitiaz ali made a wonderful movie and the acting of saif was the icing on the cake and the gesture of music add to it charismatic.

Well, i was bit emotional @ the end, where saif make his love felt to deepika, seriously man... it gets me tear in my eyes, don know but whenever some one gets his love (that was once denied/not accepted/long awaited), it makes my eyes wet. It's may be, what i always thought of getting in life and like always denied by the fate of lord.

Society has moved so ahead where sleeping with multiple guys is not considered to be unethical, where love making happens before asking the name. Best example is LAK. It's good to do and accept, in comparison to go for hypocritical style.

The tension that saif shows on screen before breaking to deepika is hilarious, saif in terribly tensed and deepika is so eased. The concept of break up party was seriously cool. Saif was extremely witty n charming, and deepika totally adorable n innocent babe.

The best advantage of being in the relationship, is the togetherness where two becomes one, the I n U become WE. The joy of sharing n caring excels the thought of emptiness, makes you feel more strong emotionally, connect to the co-valency of life, where u always made felt special, where u look upon to every if n but of each other...

Anyway, this is all about movie, now lets talk about something seriously n that LIFE.


Today, we got the cartridges of our game "100 All Time Favourite", something to cheer for, but i don't have DS to play, least i cant even show to others :((((( There is the policy of giving game cartridges/DVD to the developers n all the person involved in developing, and so do we got ..
Its the same game that our studio n me worked from scratch... Finally a title under my name .. lol :)))

Another year, is about to pass, already November is at the verge of end, another disappointing/not so good year is about to end. I didn't able to score high on my personal front, not even on my career.. in short it wasn't going to be remembered for good reason. Am not able to move on completely from amma angle, still feel the voidness created by her exit. I'll always cherish you for whatever reason. I wish, i could have captured some more moments of our's good time, to disappoint, i didnt have even any audio of yours.

Papa is about to go for prostrate gland operation, early next month. Hope, everything gets well.

Visited dhiraj bhai last Saturday, we had lunch together n that after bhabhi coming. I was bit scared, but it was good visit. Didn't talked much with bhabhi, she ws bit confused or was not feeling comfortable in front of me or what .. Anyway, hope to see you in great flair in future soon.
Moving with shiv can be said to be the best, am enjoying my stay... I have access to everything that i wish for.. like food (n that well cooked by Cook), TV, internet n on top.. good house mate... love you all
Am under debt of more than 30k (that's of bhaiya), have to pay off as quickly as possible...

The other day, one of my friend said that i am split personality. wow !!!! from where this come, btw i think i am, coz i feel the person that i am on phone or chat is completely different to what i am in actual life. On phone/chat am more of extrovert, kiddish, witty, charming ...

Anyway, jo hai so hai .. cant help it..
signing Off with b'ful lines...

Lakdi ki kaathii..
kaathi pe ghoda..
ghode ke pooch pe.. maara jo hathoda ..
daura daura ghoda dum utha ke daura ....